merely a mist of a memory (don't know why I can't get this to be not white. was not intentional

all the bravado is gone

i am left with words that

may {or may not} still have meaning.

i don’t know how to reach her.

how to make her listen.

last leap left me longing for

another chance. but

i can’t go back and say

put down your phone.

put down the covers.

sit up and look at me.

look at me, for once.

look at me, please.

that night is gone,

merely a mist of a memory,

lingering softly in the archives

of my failures and faults.

business as usual (8.4.08)

if you asked i would tell
but your mouth has been busy
so instead you can read all about it...

I need you in ways that i don't understand
where i can cope, even when you say those things you always do
that cut just below the surface
you know, i always have been good at pretending
But my selfish tendencies have caused one major flaw in this dependency--
I need you more than you need me
Others pretend,
they move fast and fake to make you a part of their glamorous Social Scene
before all of you gets used up
well, glamour kills
and it slithers just as surreptitiously as those sly social scenesters
so watch your back

fake it till i make it (7.18.08)

If it's not apparent already to you
If you really can't see what this is doing to me
Let me make it simple
And spell it out a little… BIGGER and bolder for you---
I can only cope
[and by only I mean barely]
by suppressing the words you say
and hiding them away
somewhere deepanddark
…but…
sometimes… they sneak out
sometimes… they come back loud and clear
so what I do
what I do is I
fake it
fake it till I make it
through
where
I'm not me
But you're still you
And sometimes… it works
Sometimes… it doesn't
"numbing the pain for a while
will make it worse when you
finally feel it"
so I will sit
and recall
but honestly
I'd rather fake it till I make it—Like you

fuck if i know

it's funny, because you do know.
and i know you know because
i. told. you. so.
but by all means, continue to pretend.