Just so you know.

a new valentines day
a new year.
you don't really
know me anymore.
I pierced my ear twice
and sang in a play
and kissed more girls
and kissed more boys
and did my hair different
and changed my clothes
and got new makeup
and slept less
and cared less
and talked to you less
so you don't really
know me anymore.
you weren't there for
any of those changes.

a new valentines day
a new year.
I read nothing today.
I did not sit in my closet.
I cried. But not much.
I sat on the computer.
I started five TV shows
three movies, one video game.
I finished none of them.
I put on a new dress.
I parted my hair differently.
I used nice make up.
It's not because today is
special. I don't really
care about today. But most
everyone else does. So I'm
forced to care just a bit.
Just a bit.

a new valentines day
a new year.
I really do not like
being left alone. Not when
I thought I had other options.
I want someone to care but
not out of pity or because
I asked them to. I need
something. Something to do.
I do not get bored. Why am
I getting bored with myself.
I do not get bored. But I am.
I'm pacing again. all around
the house. down the hallways.
room to room to room. no
direction or purpose. room
to room to room. just lost.
You don't know me anymore.